What It Feels Like To Be a Mack Truck…

…. and suddenly come to  a full stop after speeding down the highway at about 80 miles an hour.

I can think of no better title for this blog post.

I wonder how many of you can empathize with this particular Mack Truck.  You have been cruising about in your life.  You are an adult and have finally found a way to feel in control of your identity and you are feeling pretty darn good about yourself.  Perhaps you are a professional in one field or another.  You have joined many other women in this generation who are making things happen in the world.  You are accomplishing.  And doing.  And moving.  And shaking.  You are being noticed and validated for your accomplishments.  You have expectations of yourself (both that come from within and also that come from society) to achieve.  And you are!

And then you have a baby and, guess what?  Suddenly the world seems to stop around you.  But this “stopping” is complicated.  Some people expect you to simply “slow down” and “be happy at home with your baby.”  People say you must rest.  Stay off your feet. Heal. People encourage you to “just be” for a while.  People say “you are so lucky that ALL you need to do is to be home and stare at your sweet babe!”

Others (perhaps the biggest other in this is yourself) expect you to continue to move.  And shake.  And do.

And along with the collection of very real and often very uncomfortable emotions that come along with having a baby, is the very real and often uncomfortable truth that suddenly “doing” involves being at home in your PJ’s all day, ruminating about the color and texture of your kiddo’s poop, practicing (and struggling) over and over to get breast feeding right, practicing (and struggling) to forgive yourself when its not that easy, and trying, often though trial and error, to understand and connect with this new little being who relies on you for his or her well being.

Oh, and on top of all that, your hormones and brain chemicals are deciding to rebel against you and so even if you wanted to “just be” with your baby, it is literally impossible to do so.

Ready, set, STOP!

Ugh.. Mack Truck-like, no?

While we know that the first layer of risk in developing a Postpartum Mood Disorder is the biochemical imbalance that occurs after giving birth due, mainly, to rampant changes in hormone levels, we also know that other psychological and social risks can exacerbate an already challenging situation.  Women who feel more grounded when they are in control, women who set high standards for themselves and live by “perfectionist” thinking, and women who are very, very used to knowing what to expect tend to have a harder time once their baby arrives.  In addition, lacking social support (and we are in a society that expects women to do it all by themselves gracefully!), family or origin conflict, and traumatic experiences can all contribute to a new mom’s vulnerability.

And so, all of this is to say that if you feel like you are suddenly asked to slow down  after being so used to moving so quickly or if you feel like you are expected to do it all even though your body and/or baby is telling you not to, you are absolutely not alone.  And if you feel overwhelmed or anxious or sad because you can’t seem to feel happy slowing down in this very fast paced world of ours, you aren’t alone either.  This transition called “New Motherhood”is just plain complicated.

About katekripke

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker LCSW) with a practice specializing in prenatal and postpartum wellness, including the prevention and treatment of Perinatal Mood Disorders. I am also a Colorado State Coordinator for Postpartum Support International.
This entry was posted in mom-to-mom, postpartum depression, The Working mom's Dilemma, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to What It Feels Like To Be a Mack Truck…

  1. Pingback: What It Feels Like To Be A Mack Truck: Part II « katekripke.com

  2. How did you know this about me? Were you reading my mind?! ;-)

  3. Joan says:

    That’s exactly how I feel. I worked full time and part time at two jobs that I loved and was always busy. Then my sweet boy came along and I feel trapped, then guilty, then sad. I know we can still do things, but let’s face it, it’s not easy to lug the 22.4 oz child, one diaper bag full of every posssible thing that might be needed, and the hugest purse in America that carries all of the other essentials that don’t fit into the diaper bag. So, by the time you have made it to Target (or whatever the outing is) you are exhausted anyway. And, sometimes you just want to “be” and that’s impossible when you have a little one. So, my mantra I repeat in my head is “Adjust and Accommodate” and all will be well. Thanks for the wonderful post!

    • katekripke says:

      Thanks for your post, Joan. I love your mantra- and I’m sure you can attest to the fact that when (often through work and commitment) you agree with yourself to be open to adjusting, things slowly begin to settle into place. But this is hard, no? A great resource for this is http://www.mindfulmotherhood.org
      Warmly,
      Kate

  4. Joy says:

    Oh my–I can relate! Thanks for the great post, it’s something I wish we realized more as mothers, sisters, friends, and society as a whole.

    • Joan says:

      Thank you, Kate, for the great suggestion. I will be sure to check that out. No matter how much I repeat the mantra there are still times that my PPD/PPA tries to overrule it. Yet, I’m slowly learning coping skills, my meds are kicking in, and I feel like I might be digging myself out of this trench. I know all will be well for myself and my son. He deserves NOTHING less than a healthy mama. Warmest Regards, Joan

  5. “Women who feel more grounded when they are in control, women who set high standards for themselves and live by “perfectionist” thinking, and women who are very, very used to knowing what to expect tend to have a harder time once their baby arrives.”

    This is ME! Thanks for this great post. Loved it.

  6. Pingback: Did Having A Baby Bring Your Life to A Screeching Halt?

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